Now I see that my judgment was clouded, but after years of idolizing my workplace, I couldn’t imagine life beyond its walls. I still believed, despite everything, that Google was the best company in the world. Nevertheless, I wanted to stay at Google. When I didn’t get a promotion, some of my stock grants ran out and so I effectively took a big pay cut. Six months after my return, when I broached the subject of promotion, he told me, “People in wood houses shouldn’t light matches.” Speaking out irreparably damaged one of my most treasured relationships. He tried to analyze me, suggesting that I drank too much caffeine, didn’t sleep enough or needed more cardiovascular exercise. After my leave, the manager I loved started treating me as fragile. But it seemed clear I would not be a candidate for promotion. I was able to earn a very high performance rating - my second in a row. If anything, I was more eager than ever to excel, to make up for lost time. I worried I’d get a poor performance review, ruining my upward trajectory and setting my career back even further.įortunately, I still had a job when I got back. When people came up behind my desk, I startled more and more easily, my scream echoing across the open-floor-plan office. I was constantly on edge from seeing my harasser in the hallways and at the cafes. I’d made myself vulnerable to my manager and the investigators but felt I got nothing solid in return. It dredged up the betrayals of my past that I’d gone into tech trying to overcome. The aftermath of speaking up had broken me down. He also told me that my harasser received a consequence that was severe and that I would feel better if I could know what it was, but it sure seemed like nothing happened. wouldn’t even make him change his desk, let alone work from home or go on leave. How would being alone by myself all day, apart from my colleagues, friends and support system, possibly help? And I feared that if I stepped away, the company wouldn’t continue the investigation.Įventually, the investigators corroborated my claims and found my tech lead violated the Code of Conduct and the policy against harassment. Claire Stapleton, one of the 2018 walkout organizers, was encouraged to take leave, and Timnit Gebru, a lead researcher on Google’s Ethical AI team, was encouraged to seek mental health care before being forced out. I later learned that Google had similar responses to other employees who reported racism or sexism. Every time I asked for an update on the timeline and expressed my discomfort at having to continue to work in proximity to my harasser, the investigators said that I could seek counseling, work from home or go on leave. In the meantime I had to have one-on-one meetings with my harasser and sit next to him. The process stretched out for nearly three months. I’d structured my life around my job - exactly what they wanted me to do - but that only made the fallout worse when I learned that the workplace that I cherished considered me just an employee, one of many and disposable. was filed, Google went from being a great workplace to being any other company: It would protect itself first. At least four other women said that he’d made them uncomfortable, in addition to two senior engineers who already made it clear that they wouldn’t work with him.Īs soon as my complaint with H.R. I spoke up only when it looked like he would become an official manager - my manager - replacing the one I adored and wielding even more power over me. Playing along felt like the price of inclusion. So I didn’t tell my manager about my tech lead’s behavior for more than a year.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |